When Mom (or Dad) moves in

Give your loved one a space of their own.

When getting ready to add a new member to your household, you may be worried about your own personal space: being able to parent your kids, argue with your spouse without a peanut gallery or sit and read the paper without talking about it.

Remember, your loved one may be worried about the same things—but from her own perspective.

To get the space you both need, be sure to carve out a space in the home where your loved one can have their own alone time. Their own bedroom is a start. But better yet if there's a space beyond their bedroom where they can even entertain a visitor. It's important for both the caregiver and loved one to have an escape from each other.

Expect some disagreements.

“There will be times of situational disagreements, disappointments and frustrations,” Gilbride says. “Tears and raised voices will occur.” This is normal in any family. Inviting a parent or other love one to move in with you inevitably creates a new dynamic or even family hierarchy. Imagine moving into a new household after years of being the one in charge. It takes some serious adjustment.

The new living arrangement may mean new rules or expectations for everyone. Just remember to be patient and come from a place of caring and respect.

Keep open lines of communication.

Good communication doesn't always come easy in some families. But it will help a great deal throughout the caregiving journey.

“To the extent possible, communicate clearly, respectfully and frequently about what your needs are,” says Parichay Rudina, a licensed independent social worker with the Amherst H. Wilder Foundation in St. Paul. “Be open to listening to their needs also. Find arrangements that work for everyone.”

Arranging family meetings to discuss issues can help to set boundaries and identify acceptable behaviors from both perspectives. It might be as basic as agreeing to always knock on the door before entering a bedroom.

Schedule fun family time.

It's important to make the person feel included and welcomed, not like they are a burden. “This generation is used to cocktail hour,” Gilbride says. “They may no longer have alcohol, but coffee, tea, soda, water with a treat of cookies, crackers, can be substitutes.

Look for ways to include the care recipient's interest and hobbies in your family plans. Watch their favorite show together or play a game they like. And make the loved one a part of family events that matter to you, too.

Consider everyone in the household.

The primary caregiver isn't the only one who's affected by a new roommate. Welcoming someone new into the household also affects spouses and children. Be sure to include them in discussions, and talk about what everyone can do to make it work.

Remember the needs of the loved one too, says Rudina. “They may never have thought they’d be living with you and that you would take care of them.”

Explore outside perspectives.

Participating in support groups, either in person or online, is a good way to hear what cohabitation strategies work for other caregivers.

“Once you’re in a room with other people going through similar challenges, you start to realize that you’re only one person, and there is only so much that can happen in one day,” Rudina says. “That’s an important realization for caregivers. It helps reduce guilt, depression, anger, frustration and resentment.”

Give yourself a break.

When you live with the person you care for, it's easy to let the job become 24/7. Don't. It takes work upfront to explore things like respite care programs or chore services, and to recruit friends or family members who can help out with trips to the doctor or hairdresser. But it's worth it.

While it hasn't always been smooth sailing, Gilbride and her husband continue to cherish the time with her mom.

“We feel fortunate that we are able to experience the aging process with her,” she says. “And we realize we are creating many memories that will last for a very long time.”