8 habits of successful caregivers

1. They educate themselves.

Knowledge really is power, says Dr. Sujatha Hamilton, director of palliative care medicine and chair of medical ethics at New York University, Woodhull Medical Center. “The more you know about your loved one’s condition, the more effectively and more efficiently you can meet their needs as they evolve,” she says.

Don't understand what the provider is saying? Keep asking questions until you do. Talk about specific skills you might need to care for someone with your loved one’s diagnosis. Continue asking questions and stay up to date as time passes.

2. They're prepared to delegate.

What would happen if you got sick or had an emergency? Who would take over? Have a plan in place in case a crisis occurs, says Tara Giese, statewide program director of caregiver support and respite services for Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota.

Think about both personal and professional resources you could tap if needed. That is, have in mind both a friend or relative you could text to step in, and a company you might call if need be. It's smart to have a caregiver team on deck in case of an emergency.

Write it all down, Giese says. “Share the plan with all members of the team. And keep a copy on the fridge or another easy place for people to find.”

3. They practice self-care.

“In order to take care of your loved one, you must also take care of yourself,” Giese says. Making time every day to do something for yourself is important for your body and soul.

Use respite care so you can nap, exercise, have lunch with friends. Doing other activities you enjoy isn’t selfish. It’s essential for your sanity.

And most certainly, take care of your health. Don’t skip your own visits to the doctor. Do what you can to eat nutritious food and get in some physical activity. Even taking a short walk once a day can do wonders for your well-being.

4. They find the lighter side.

Caregiving comes with serious responsibilities. That's why it's important to find ways to smile. Surround yourself with what makes you laugh. “Humor can get you through a lot of difficult days,” Giese says.

One way to do it: Create a smile box. Fill it with funny movies, cartoons cut out of the newspaper, greeting cards that make you smile, letters. Then, when you're having a hard day, pull something out.

Another idea: Start a gratitude journal. “Some caregivers find that writing down one thing they are grateful for is a good way to end the day,” Giese says.

5. They treasure their relationships.

“Your deep, personal connection is probably a major reason why you’ve made the decision to be this person's caregiver," says Dr. Hamilton of NYU. "Don’t alienate your loved one by taking on your role as a caregiver and seeing yourself as just that. Maintaining a meaningful relationship is important to your loved one as well.”

Elaine Robinson, who takes care of her 90-year-old mother, Marcella, says it’s important to still treat and talk to her mom like she’s her mom. Even when there are disagreements, this helps, Robinson says, because Marcella took pride in being a mother, and still wants to be a mother—even though she is relying on her daughter's care.

6. They ask for help.

Remember, you’re only one person, says Parichay Rudina, a licensed independent social worker with the caregiver services department of Amherst H. Wilder Foundation in St. Paul. Ask for help. Really.

“You need a team to help you get everything done,” Rudina says. “This includes family, friends, health care professionals, neighbors and support services for the person you’re caring for and you.”

7. They put systems in place.

Trying to keep your personal life, family life, work life and caregiving life organized can be overwhelming. But losing track of your duties will only add to the stress, Rudina says.

Keep calendars. Make lists. Schedule reminders on your phone. Whatever works for you.

8. They cut themselves some slack.

Things will go wrong sometimes, Rudina points out. You’ll make mistakes. Go easy on yourself.

“Guilt is an emotion commonly experienced by caregivers, especially when we try to match the image of a perfect caregiver we have in our minds,” Rudina says. “Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.”