Taking a vacation when you’re a caregiver

Caregiving can be all encompassing, stressful and emotionally draining. And it can feel impossible to get away for an afternoon, let alone a vacation. But taking breaks is a very real necessity, experts say.

“Research indicates that caregivers are more prone to chronic illness and depression, and are less likely to seek preventive health care,” explains Jody Gastfriend, LICSW, vice president of senior care for Care.com.

And of course, let’s not forget the guilt.

“I always say guilt is a constant companion for caregivers,” says Gastfriend, author of My Parent’s Keeper: The Guilt, Grief, Guesswork and Unexpected Gifts of Caregiving. “You can’t completely get rid of it, but you can have conversations with yourself and recognize that taking care of yourself and getting breaks and putting things in place makes you more effective. It is important to carve out time for yourself.”

Easy to say, but not so easy to do, especially for caregivers in charge of the day-to-day details and worries that equal elder care. And yet, it’s not impossible to get away. You can, and you should.

Here’s how.

Start planning early

While every family — and every vacation — scenario is different, the need to prepare ahead remains the same. Consider your family’s needs. Will you need an in-home caregiver? Then check with a local homecare agency or platform like Care.com. Will you need respite care? Tap a site like ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center for resources.

Start early, says Gastfriend, “because if you wait a day or two before vacation, you’ll be scrambling and it’s not going to be as good.”

Get creative to cover costs

While it’s no surprise that hiring more eldercare will add expense, you might not realize that organizations like your local Area Agencies on Aging can help you find funds to pay for it. For example, some states, including Minnesota, offer Medicaid wavers for temporary in-home care.

Check your employer benefits as well. For example, Gastfriend used her own employer’s subsidized backup care service to help with her mom while she traveled. “It actually made my mother more willing to accept the care,” she says. “She told all her friends in the retirement community about it.”

Recruit the help you need

Especially if you live with the person you care for, now is the time to call upon other relatives and friends to pitch in so your loved one can remain in their familiar surroundings while you’re away. Make sure to task someone who can handle an emergency situation — and who is as vested in your loved one’s care as you are.

If your parent can care for herself, consider hiring licensed help to bring meals and provide transportation. (Find them through the National Association for Home Care & Hospice website.)

For Gastfriend, the “wellness coordinator” at her mom’s senior facility is her go-to resource for help: “He’s a nurse and knows all the residents. We have to pay for it, but he coordinates it and will drop in on my mom and check in on her regularly.”

Explore different types of respite care

Many assisted-living residence, nursing home and senior communities offer short-term stays from a few days to several weeks. To find one, talk to your senior services center for referrals or check out the national locator tool on the ARCH National Respite and Resource Center website. “A lot of senior communities offer respite,” notes Gastfreind, “but you have to find out what’s included.”

Spread the word to your team

Make sure everyone on your care team, from the pharmacist to health care professionals to temporary caregivers know your loved one’s schedule, medication, legal information and care instructions. Let them know when you’ll be away and who will be the point person while you’re gone.

Encourage (and schedule) regular drop-ins from friends and family while you’re away.

Stage a trial run

If you can arrange it, have your substitute caregivers fill in for you before you leave town. Or, have your loved one spend time at the senior center so they can get comfortable with the staff and location.

Your loved one may be nervous about your impending vacation so talk with them about your upcoming trip. “If it’s a new caregiver that the family member doesn’t know, it’s always good to have time to meet them and see how it goes, to explain things to them,” says Gastfriend. “Occasionally, for whatever reason, it doesn’t click. And you don’t want to find that out while you’re on vacation.”

Be prepared for imperfect

You can’t avoid the possibility of something happening while you’re on vacation. So be prepared for things to go wrong. “It’s happened to me, it’s happened to a lot of people,” says Gastfriend. “We don’t have ultimate control."

But do what you can do to mitigate the stress of being away, to alleviate the guilt and really carve out time so that you can really enjoy yourself.” And know too that by creating this care committee in the future you'll have other resources in place that you can lean on when you need to.

Start with small steps if you need to

If you don't feel like you can take a full-on vacation, it's still worth getting some time for yourself. The resources above can help you evaluate your situation to come up with some amount of time you can disconnect from your caregiving duties — even if it's just for part of a day.