Your caregiving dream team

Don't do it all yourself

"Caregivers who mistakenly try to take on all the tasks themselves risk getting caregiver burnout,” says Iris Waichler, LCSW, a Chicago-based patient advocate and author.

“Being proactive and assembling a support team is the most important step you can take as a caregiver. It allows you to maintain a life balance that enhances the caregiver relationship for both the caregiver and the person being cared for.”

Look to family first

Caregiving is often a family affair. In some families, siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews agree on everything and divide all the responsibilities for care completely evenly. And then there’s the more typical situation. More often, different locations, varying financial situations and even a history of “Mom liked you best” arguments can make splitting up the care for a senior parent a trickier proposition.

It's important to focus on communication first and foremost. If you're the primary caregiver, speak up about what you need. Make a list of items you could pass along, and be realistic about what you really need to do and where you could give up control. Even if it seems easier to just do it yourself today, in the long run, doing it all can be a quick path to burnout.

Lean on the village

Your parent probably has his or her own “squad”—friends from the neighborhood, from church, or from the tennis or golf club. If those friends are relatively healthy and independent, ask if they would be willing to pick your relative up once a week and take him out for lunch at a diner, or to the senior center to play bridge.

Even coming over to sit for an hour and shoot the breeze about the old days can be an immense help, says Molly Fogel, LCSW, director of educational and social services for the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. “It is so important for your relative to stay connected by going out or having friends come in to visit.”

Having other people to rely on for social contact is a key part of quality of life and peace of mind, for you as well as your loved one.

Budget for what's left

Once you see what you, your family members and friends can cover, there may still be gaps that need to be filled in. It doesn't have to break the bank. Could having a local college student sit with your parent a few afternoons a week free you up to watch your daughter's cross country meets? Would having a driver to ferry your mom to the senior center or grocery store give you time to go for a walk and clear your head?

Hiring help at the skill level you need—without lots of extra qualifications you don't—can save money. If you're looking for somebody to keep your dad company for a couple hours on Thursday afternoons you probably don't need to a certified nursing assistant for the job. A stay-at-home parent whose kids are in school, a student, or a retired person looking for some extra income could be a perfect fit.

Explore volunteer programs

You may also be able to find volunteer groups who are happy to lend a hand through your church or synagogue or through other community service groups.

The Alzheimer’s Foundation of America also provides free social programming for those suffering from dementia, plus a toll-free hotline (866-232-8484) to help provide caregivers with support and resources.